Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Life after my excommunication from The Mormon Church - part two
These posts have been harder to write than my past ones. I apologize that it took so long to get this one written, and published.
I know a few of my posts may have seemed like I'm trying to make my parents or the church look bad. I am not. I am just telling the truth and telling it how it is. This part of the story makes RJ look bad. I wasn't going to cut it out because it is important to me that people know the truth, and know the whole story. A lot of rumors ended up going around after I got pregnant. I decided it was time to set them straight.
This is part of my story I would forget if I could. RJ and I rarely talk about it. He feels awful about how it went down but he didn’t know how to do it differently at the time.
When I was about 8 months pregnant RJ got a job in Atlanta. I was going to go with him. Little did I know his ex wife was making him take her. He was worried if he put his foot down and told her he was talking me, she would take him to the cleaners during divorce. She told him he had to leave me in Virginia. And that’s what happened. What no one knew is he always planned on coming back to get me. Sometimes I wish he would have told me his plan. In the end it all worked out even though it was messy.
I sat down for lunch with my parents and told them I was moving to Atlanta with RJ. They didn’t seem to know what to say. Of course they didn’t want me to go but at this point, I thought they knew they couldn’t stop me from doing what I wanted.
As moving day got closer and closer RJ started acting a little funny. I wish I would have noticed and called him out on it, but I didn’t. The night before he was supposed to pick me up to leave, his phone went silent. I remember feeling so scared and anxious. It turned out he had left without me. In the morning the family I was staying with told me my Dad had been watching RJ’s house and he had left. I was speechless. I knew he wanted our baby just as much as I did if not more. I was so confused.
I decided to finish packing up my things and head back to my parents house. I wanted to go “home” but as soon as I got there it did not feel like home at all. Immediately my parents tried to tell me RJ wouldn’t support me and the baby, and tried to prove it. They said he wouldn’t pay child support. They didn’t and probably still don't understand how child support works. If RJ didn’t pay child support the courts would make him, even garnish his wages if they needed to. My parents didn’t want to support me and my baby. My Dad told me if was going to keep the baby I couldn’t live with them. My Mom tried to back pedal for my Dad later but that is what he said. My Dad made it very clear that if I kept my baby, him and Mom would not help me take care of her, or watch her while I went to work or school. The did not want support me in anyway.
One of the bigger issues was insurance for the baby. Again like child support RJ is legally required to provide medical insurance for his children. My parents tried to prove that he wouldn’t. They called the insurance company to check. Well first of all the insurance company wouldn’t talk to them because they were not authorized to ask those questions. They weren’t entitled to any information at all actually. My parents wanted to know if an unborn child was insured. RJ already had a family insurance plan because he has a daughter from a previous marriage. Adding our baby wouldn’t make a difference to him. Insurance companies cannot show proof of insurance for a infant that technically doesn’t even exist yet. My family was convinced RJ wouldn’t provide for me or the our baby. I knew he would even if he was really gone.
The morning after my first night back at my parents house, they told me they had set up a meeting with a LDS Family services counselor. They wanted to control me, and I refused. I told them I did not want to go. My Mom went on and on about how the counselor had driven all this way because they asked him to just for me. I still said I was not going. My parents went and saw him without me. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation.
If you don't know what LDS Family Services is, it was one of the largest non profit adoption agencies until the summer of 2014 when they stopped organizing adoptions and decided to focus on counseling. They claim they stopped organizing adoptions because teen pregnancy had gone down, and less babies in general were being put up for adoption. But what they do not say, is there were lots of lawsuits from biological fathers and mothers, who wanted their children back. There were other lawsuits from people LDS Family Services refused to adopt to, like people who were not Mormon in particular people part of the LGBT community. Either way I’m glad they no longer facilitate adoptions. When I was pregnant with Rose they still did. There are many many stories of girls being coerced to give up their babies. There are many stories of biological fathers wanting custody and their babies being adopted away before they even knew their baby was born, and never ever meeting their baby. LDS Family Services was very very good at coercing girls to give up, and keeping the babies away from their biological fathers. I was deathly afraid that somehow they would convince me to give up my baby, and whisk me away to Utah where the father has the least amount of rights. There were multiple occasions where I believe my parents had bought me a plane ticket to Utah. I was scared.
I’m not exactly sure when RJ texted me but he did. I told him what my Dad said, I told him I was scared. RJ said he would come get me. He rented a car and drove through the night. In the morning we met up and it was like he never left. My sister dropped me off at a local grocery store, and RJ picked me up. We went to lunch and checked into a hotel and had some much needed alone time. We decided I needed to get my things. I had just bought a ton of baby stuff with my sister, and there was about 400 dollars of stuff for the baby at my parents house, along with all my other things.
RJ and I went back to the grocery store, where my Dad and my sister were waiting. My Dad wanted to talk with RJ. I told my Dad he needed to promise not to be a jerk. He promised. When RJ came over my Dad decided to be rude anyways and immediately snapped a picture of RJ. Then my Dad proceeded to post said picture on Instagram. My Dad was on a mission to keep me there even though he didn’t want to provide for me. Tensions were already running high so RJ turned around and walked away after my Dad snapped his picture. As RJ was walking away my Dad asked, “What about your wife?” (his now ex-wife). My family was convinced RJ wasn’t going to leave his wife for me. I knew he would and he did.
Things got more and more dramatic after this. After RJ walked away I told my Dad I just wanted to go to the house and get my things. So we did. I packed up my things. My Mom was hysterical the entire time. When I had brought all my things down stairs, I asked my Dad what car to load it into. He tried to stall. I told him if he didn’t want to take me I would just call an uber. He said maybe I should do that so he could have more time to figure out what to do. Eventually my things were loaded into my parents minivan.
While I was packing my things my Dad called RJ and left a voicemail on his phone. My Dad played part of a recording that he illegally made, of a conversation he had with, RJ, my older sister and me. He said, “Do you want me to send it? I’m ready. Call me.” He also sent numerous texts to RJ saying similar things. I was shocked that my Dad thought blackmailing RJ would get him somewhere. I didn’t find out about this till much later and looking back on it now, I get why RJ was so cautious when my Dad and I got back to the grocery store parking lot.
When we got back to the parking lot I texted RJ and told him we were there. He told us where he parked and told me the car was unlocked and that we could move the car over. He was going to stay out of sight, He didn’t trust my Dad and he didn’t want either of them to do anything either of them would regret. When my Dad found out RJ wasn’t coming till the stuff had been moved My Dad locked his car so me or nobody else could get my things. He wanted RJ to “be a man” and do it. RJ had no idea they would refuse help me move my stuff, or let me get it out of the car at all. At this point I locked myself in the rental car because everyone was bashing RJ and trying to convince me not to leave.
My Mom showed up and brought with her a very weird collection of people from the local Mormon ward. I’m not sure what she wanted them to say to me. None of the people she brought knew me very well. I had already made up my mind that I would be leaving with RJ. I didn’t know that my Dad was threatening to blackmail RJ at the time. I called RJ and begged him to come so we could just leave. But he was scared and very well should have been, there were a lot of people there who were not on his team. He ended up calling the cops, he wanted to make sure everything stayed safe. At this point I was shaking uncontrollably because of the stress. The officer who showed up was very very nice. I explained to him my Dad had locked my things in the car, including my personal documents. All we wanted to do was get my things and leave. The officer spoke to my Dad, and made things clear that he needed to unlock the car and let RJ and me get my stuff. RJ came over and helped move my things, while the cop stayed back with my parents and the crowd of people they brought. My parents recorded the whole thing. I’m not sure why they felt the need to record RJ getting a workout hauling my stuff from one van to another. It was probably just so my Dad could use it to blackmail RJ later. We were able to drive away while to cop distracted them. We still drove an extra long way to our hotel to insure no one followed us there.
The following morning we grabbed a few things out of a storage facility RJ had stored a few days before, and we made our way down to Georgia.
I think my family was confused how I forgave RJ so quickly I think they still might be. Even though he left I knew he loved me and he expressed that the second he got back. Every second I was with my family, I didn’t feel loved. They claimed they were doing all this because they loved me and I would regret the choices I made. Well I haven’t I love every choice I made. I love my life I love RJ, and my family. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
My excommunication is quite the story. I am very glad we moved a few states away. My life has been much more peaceful away from the drama. I am so glad what happened did. It hugely changed my life but I am so glad it turned out the way it did.
If any of my readers are curious about the truth of my posts, I have many many texts and emails proving what I have written about is true. Including the voicemail my Dad left RJ, and all the texts he sent. We also have copies of emails he sent to friends and acquaintances of RJ, offering to send them a copy of the illegal recording which he claimed he uploaded to a website. The RJ bashing never ended.
Thanks for reading! Keep an eye out for more stories, and probably some more recipes too.