Saturday, July 1, 2017

Second Miscarriage - Blighted Ovum

I think the world needs to be more open about miscarriage, and infant loss in general. Telling women to wait to announce their pregnancies to family and friends, causes an interesting dilemma. Obviously, if something goes wrong, it can be difficult to explain and talk about when you are processing it yourself. However, I think suffering alone, in silence is much worse. Anywhere between 10 and 25 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and 80 percent of those happen before 13 weeks, which is typically the time frame for going public with your pregnancy. Miscarriage is very, very common, it’s important for women to know they are not alone.

In November of last year I had a miscarriage. I was about eight weeks pregnant when I went in for my first appointment. The ultrasound showed no baby, just an empty amniotic sac. Within days after that appointment. I miscarried naturally. That loss was not too difficult. It was my fourth pregnancy and I had never had a miscarriage before. I knew how common they were, and I knew my turn was coming eventually. It helped that there was not actually a baby.  

RJ and I have been trying since then for another baby. It felt like it had been a while and I was starting to get a bit discouraged. We have never had to try more than a few cycles to get pregnant before. I discovered I have a thyroid problem that can make it difficult to get pregnant (as well as a lot of other symptoms). The first month I was on the meds for my thyroid, I got pregnant. Some time in mid May I had a positive pregnancy test. There were a few friends I told instantly, after my first appointment with my Midwife last week I thought it would be ok to tell a few more people, even thought it was still quite early.

This past Monday I went in for a dating ultrasound. The ultrasound tech found an empty amniotic  sac. When she told me, I broke down. I did not expect two losses in a row. It is incredibly disappointing to have a positive pregnancy test, start to get pregnancy symptoms, and get excited, only to find out there is not actually a baby in there.

RJ was at home with Rosalie and Heather. I texted him. I knew he felt the same way I did. Shock, disappointment, sadness, it was awful.

All the nurses and women in the office were amazing. When the midwife came in the first thing she asked was how I was feeling and processing all of this. I told her I was most disappointed because I didn’t expect two losses in a row. She said it is not uncommon. She also assured me I didn’t need to worry too much. I have two healthy children. The chance of having a third empty sac in a row is unlikely. I am young, and flukes like this just happen. There is nothing anyone can do to prevent them.

My midwife told me we have a few options moving forward. We can give my body some time to miscarry on it’s own, or I could take a pill to kick it off. She told me I didn't need to decide immediately. I already knew I would wait and hope my body handles it on it’s own. Drug induced miscarriages can be much more intense and painful, and I would prefer it to be as easy as possible.

All the nurses I had seen came and checked on me to make sure I was ok. It was nice to have so many women in one space who understood what I was going through in one way or another.

I'm pretty sure there is not a cuter distraction in the world.
I had some blood work done last Monday, to test my HCG levels and confirm my blood type. I have an appointment this upcoming Monday to redo blood work to see how things are going.

So, here I sit in my living room hoping the cramps I am feeling pick up and my body decides to miscarry on it’s own. Not to mention the nasty case of pinkeye I caught from somewhere, life is peachy right now. I’m glad I have RJ, Rosalie, Heather, and Delaney to comfort and distract me.

I think women need to be more open about loss and miscarriage. It sucks, and it is easier to deal with if you have your village around you.

I will be posting updates. I feel like it’s important to share the process. My body might miscarry on it’s own. I will need to go back to the office and get ultrasounds and blood work if it doesn’t start soon to make sure I do not develop an infection.  

I apologize to anyone who I had told about the pregnancy, but not told them what’s going on yet. This is the easiest way to reach everyone and explain. It helps me process to write it down.

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