Monday, November 21, 2016

Early Miscarriage

This past week while on our family vacation at Disney World I had an early miscarriage. The Wednesday before we left for Florida, I went to see my Midwife to confirm my pregnancy. At my appointment I thought I would be about eight weeks. My last period was September 8th. I got a positive pregnancy test quite early (three-four weeks after my last period). Everything looked normal and I was definitely pregnant until we looked on a ultrasound, and tried to find a heartbeat.

My midwife brought a small portable ultrasound into the room and lead with, “I’m not a trained sonographer, with that in mind let’s see what we can find.” She couldn’t see anything. She told me she would get a ultrasound room and tech ready, and be right back. We made our way to the ultrasound room. The tech took a good look. All we could see was a small black shadow, that measured around five weeks. My midwife took me aside and said either I was only five weeks pregnant and I had my dates wrong, or it was an empty sac with no baby inside and I would probably miscarry soon. My midwife wanted to take blood to see what my pregnancy hormone levels were and test a few days later to see how they changed. If my numbers had not doubled I was not pregnant and I would likely miscarry.

I had blood drawn and came back on Friday and had it drawn again. It was Sunday or Monday I started spotting a little bit. I was unsure if it was because I was beginning to miscarry or if it was just a little spotting. Monday I got results back from the blood test. My hormone levels had gone down which does not happen in early pregnancy unless a miscarriage is on its way. My bleeding got heavier the evening before and I knew I was miscarrying.  

The day I got my test results back, it was a good day with
our cheesy matching sunglasses regardless of the news.
When I first got a positive pregnancy test I was worried I might miscarry. I had not had a normal early miscarriage yet, and they are very common. My mom had a few. This being my fourth pregnancy I knew I would have one eventually and was beginning to wonder when.

The biggest challenge I had was finding a Rhogam shot. My blood type is A negative, RJ’s blood type is AB positive. Basically, if the baby were to have a different blood type than me, and it mixed with mine, my body would attack the baby, and any future babies. Rhogam shots are not required for everyone, I just know I need one. I have received 3 times before, a preventative one around 24 weeks during my pregnancy with Rose, and Heather (you are given one after birth if the baby has a blood type different than yours, Rose and Heather are both A negative), I also got one after my abortion. Being out of town made finding a Rhogam shot much more difficult.

We resorted to the ER after calling an urgent care who didn’t carry the shot. I also called around to a few Planned Parenthood clinics, they were either closed, or never returned my message. RJ and I went to the ER Monday evening (we left the girls with a family friend we brought on vacation with us). The ER drew some blood. The results took a very long time to get back but as soon as they did, I got my lovely shot in the ass. RJ and I went back to the condo we were renting, it was very late and I slept well. The following day we had a full day at The Animal Kingdom, then RJ and I had tickets to Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas party. I was feeling fine and we had a great time.

Second to last day at Disney, Heather refused to nap till RJ
wore her in the carrier. He is a great father. 
The following morning I definitely paid for overdoing it, and pushing myself a little too hard. I was bleeding pretty heavily, and was quite crampy. I braided my hair, and was having some pretty severe cramps, then felt a gush of something. I sat down on the toilet, and a weird three inch long clump of blood, and tissue fell into the toilet. I oddly felt much better after that but it took a lot out of me. I was pretty exhausted so we took it easy that day. We went to lunch, then RJ took Rose to Epcot, just the two of them. They had a really fun time, and there are a few great pics of the two of them. Heather got a nice long uninterrupted nap without Rose bouncing around, and I got some down time.

The rest of the trip went well, and aside from being incredibly tired and emotional, I felt alright. My bleeding is now pretty minimal, and I will be headed to my Midwife this week to confirm it was a complete miscarriage. I have a much better appreciation for other mothers who have had early miscarriages now. I never understood quite how awful they are. I am not too sad because I was pretty sure it would happen to me at some point, and it was likely just a sac and not a baby. My hormones have been all over the place, I have been very emotional, and irritable. It was incredibly exhausting, not to mention trying to push through on vacation. Miscarriages suck.

This past Tuesday (November 15th) was the second anniversary of my 20 week abortion. Last year I remember it being difficult but this year I didn’t even think about it till after it had passed. I don’t think it was because we were busy at Disney either. I think I am over the loss of our little boy, and ready to frame his ultrasound and little foot prints. It has been an eventful couple of years but every time life happens RJ is right by my side. I am so glad I have him. He genuinely carries me through the rough days.

Our date night later in the week after I was on the upswing
of things.
To all the other moms out there who have had miscarriages, all of us who have had a miscarriage are here for you. There is an inner club inside, “the mom club”, for mothers who have had losses. I am here for you. I may not understand exactly how you are feeling but I have been there in one way or another, and want you to know there is someone who you can talk to. Even if you don’t know me please reach out. I am lucky to have a very understanding partner who understands my crazy hormones during these times. I know some other partners aren’t quite as understanding, and can unknowingly make things worse. Please know there are moms out there who understand.

Thanks for reading! Get ready for a big post (or posts) all about our trip to Walt Disney World. I cannot wait to share about it!

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